and here we are again.

i am probably feeling stressed right now because i have taken ZERO time to relax and unwind lately.  so i am back, here again, unwinding.


to start the evening off after a long day of school, i stumbled upon this beautiful article posted by a friend on facebook.  and now that i am sobbing reading it, might as well share it!  (http://www.danoah.com/2011/11/im-christian-unless-youre-gay.html/2/ )  this is the most real, relevant article that i have read in YEARS. and the author of a large portion of it is 15, which blows my mind. a very articulate young man who reminds me a bit of myself at 15 i must say.  the place he is from, the story he tells, all just seems a little too real and familiar. i am glad he found the courage to say how he feels when he did rather than later down the road.  what a courageous, strong, empowered young man to stand up in the face of so many people who he didn't agree with and say NO. THAT IS NOT OKAY.  while this post began as just catching people back up on my life, different things seem to be coming to my mind. so ready or not, HERE IT COMES!


the strength of this boy is something i completely admire and hope to emulate in the future. i want to work with young people my whole life and help them to grow, just as my mentors in college have done for me.  but in order to do that, i need to know myself too. and be okay with myself.
and love myself. ALL of myself.
while that is something that is often easier said than done, there is no more time to waste. i am not going to waste anymore of my time wondering "hm, i wonder when i will be completely happy?" NOW IS THAT TIME!!!!


now is when i am going to be happy. regardless of where i go, what i do, or who i meet, i have to be happy before i let anyone else be happy with me too. 
i need to love the student in me, the child in me, the worker in me, the friend in me, the brother in me, the son in me, the musician in me, the free-spirit in me, the uncle in me, the Christian in me, and the gay in me. all of those things, plus so many other things, are all things i need to love, each and every single day, with no exceptions.


i am at such a huge point of change in my life with many chapters ending and many new ones quickly approaching.  while i have loved so many parts of my experiences in eau claire or back in holmen, there are many things that i want to move past. there are a lot of things i have grown from and learned from, but it is time to use those experiences, both good and bad, to launch into a new phase of my life. a better, happier phase of my life. :)


it is time to close the chapter of my life where being ashamed and scared of who i am is okay. today is my last day of being scared of me, and tomorrow starts a whole new journey to where my life will go. to where I want it to go. to loving and embracing myself fully, each and every day. while i know that won't be easy, there is no turning back. 


here's to ending this chapter of fear, and opening the book to a new chapter tomorrow. :)


something i learned today: feeling empowered is one of the most unique, unmatched feelings in this life. when it comes your way, enjoy every single second of it!


:)